Secrets & Confessions
by Melissa Larkin
Summary: More of Susan and Luka's new relationship.
1. Secrets & Confessions

Just to note: I don't own anyone on ER. If I could, it would be Luka! :)  
  
Spoilers: This story takes place after "Secrets and Lies" in season 8.  


  
  
  
Secrets and Confessions  
  


Susan Lewis was not in the mood to be at work today. In fact, her mood had dramatically worsened after the events of the past few days. As she entered the doctors' lounge, she ran into her ex-boyfriend, John Carter.  
  
"Morning, Susan," John said, pouring himself a mug full of coffee.  
  
"Hi," Susan replied quietly. She opened her locker, hung up her coat, and put on her lab coat. She glanced at her reflection in the small mirror that hung in her locker. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying the night before. I hope nobody notices, Susan thought to herself. She closed her locker and Carter approached her.  
  
"Listen, I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other day," Carter began, referring to the sexual harassment training that he, Susan, Abby Lockhart, Luka Kovac, and medical student Michael Gallant had been forced to attend. The next time a dominatrix leaves her bagful of goodies n the ER, I am *not* going near it, Susan thought.  
  
"Carter, this isn't the best time," Susan said. She could feel her patience dwindling.  
  
"I know, but something doesn't make sense about you spending the night with Mark." Susan rolled her eyes.  
  
"Carter, this is none of your business. I told you that." Carter sighed, a sigh of impatience and anger. "I can't believe that you're being so immature about this!"  
  
"I'm not being immature," Carter replied. "Something doesn't add up. Why did you spend the night at Mark's? Why isn't he here today? Or yesterday, for that matter?"  
  
"I can't tell you," Susan said, feeling as though she wanted to scream and cry at the same time. She did want to tell Carter -- she wanted everyone to know what hell Mark was going through. Mark Greene, her best friend for so many years, was dying of a brain tumor. His wife, Elizabeth, didn't know, as they were recently separated. Mark's teen-age daughter, Rachel, had no clue of her father's condition either.   
  
"There is one thing I would like to know," Carter began. "You never really told me why you left Arizona." Susan felt her lower lip begin to tremble, as it often did when she thought back to her life in Arizona. There had been some good times, but some tragic ones as well. Tragic enough, heartbreaking enough, to send her back on to a train to Chicago.  
  
At that moment, Haleh opened the door and called out to Susan.  
  
"Susan, we have a trauma coming in now. Carter, you come too!" Susan and Carter quickly abandoned their chat and ran to trauma room 1. There lied a small infant boy, his worried parents gathered around him, as Susan, Carter, and the nurses worked to save him. At that moment, Luka Kovac entered the trauma room.  
  
"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked. Carter looked up at him.  
  
"Help us save this baby," he said. The parents of the sick child began to cry and Luka turned to Haleh.  
  
"Can you please take them to the waiting area?" Haleh nodded and escorted the parents out of the trauma room.  
  
"How long has he been down?" Luka questioned. Susan glanced at the clock.  
  
"About 25 minutes. The paramedics tried to resuscitate him but they couldn't." Luka and Carter both looked down at the small baby boy. They were both thinking the same thing: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, more commonly known as SIDS. Susan looked up at her two colleagues.  
  
"Come on! We have to try!" Carter and Luka jumped in to try and save the baby, but 20 minutes later, it was no use. Another victim of SIDS had lost his battle. Luka glanced at the clock.  
  
"Time of death, 8:54 a.m." Susan, shaken, walked out of the trauma room. She quickly leaned against the wall of the hallway and sobbed uncontrollably. Luka exited the trauma room and approached Susan.  
  
"Susan, I'm sorry. I know it's always hard to lose a child, especially such a young baby." Susan glared at Luka.  
  
"What would you know about losing a child, Luka?" she snapped, then ran off. Carter entered the hallway at that moment.  
  
"Do you want to tell the parents, Luka, or should I?" Luka, barely paying attention, walked off towards the end of the hallway where Susan had run. "Luka!" Luka disappeared around the corner. "I guess it's up to me. I hate delivering news like this," Carter said to himself. He slowly walked to the waiting area and spoke softly to the parents. They dissolved into tears as Carter told them the devastating news.  
  


~*~*~*~  
  


The rooftop. Susan shivered, wearing only her lab coat. The door opened and she spun around to see Luka approaching her.  
  
"I was worried about you," Luka said. "I wanted to see if you were all right." Susan buried her head in her hands and sobbed. Luka wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair. "Susan, whatever it is, you can talk to me. What you tell me will remain between us."   
  
Susan looked up at Luka. She didn't know him that well, but the gentleness in his eyes told her that she could trust him. "Okay," she whispered. Luka guided her over to a bench. They sat down, and Luka removed his lab coat and placed it around Susan's shoulders. "Thanks." She took a deep breath. "The trauma...seeing that baby die...it reminded me of when I lost my baby." Susan leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees. Luka began to gently rub her back. "I was in Arizona when I learned that I was pregnant. My fiancee was less than thrilled. He told me that if I didn't have an abortion, that our relationship was over. I couldn't kill my baby, Luka. I decided to have the child and raise it on my own."  
  
"That was a very brave decision," Luka replied. Susan nodded in response.  
  
"My pregnancy was going well until around the second month. I began to have a lot of pain and one day at work, I began bleeding. I passed out and when I woke up, I was told that I'd miscarried." Luka wrapped his arms around Susan and hugged her.  
  
"I'm sorry," he began. "I'm so sorry. It's a pain that will never go away." Susan questioningly looked at Luka.  
  
"You do know what it's like, don't you?" Luka shook his head, sadness apparent in his eyes. "What happened?"  
  
"In Croatia...it was the war...my wife and son were killed," Luka said softly, his voice cracking. Susan hugged him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Luka...what I said before --"  
  
"You had no idea," Luka reassured her. "It's all right."  
  
"Thank you for being here for me," Susan said. "I haven't told anyone in Chicago about losing the baby. It's just too hard to talk about."  
  
"I want us to be friends, Susan," Luka replied. "I'll be here anytime you need to talk." Susan smiled, a genuine smile, for the first time in days.  
  
"Thank you, again," she said, and hugged Luka again. She shivered. "It's getting cold. We should go inside."  
  
"I bet Carter is wondering where we went," Luka said. He and Susan stood up. Luka put his arm around Susan's shoulder and they walked to the rooftop door. Susan put her hand on the doorknob and looked at Luka.  
  
"You meant it when you said I could talk to you about anything?" Luka smiled and nodded. "I might take you up on that soon. And the same goes for you. If you need a friend, I'm here."  
  
"Thank you, friend," Luka said. Susan smiled again.  
  
"Anytime, my friend," she responded, as they entered the hospital, both feeling as though they had both lost something, a beautiful friendship had been gained.  
  


****The End****  



	2. More Confessions

Once again, I don't own anyone on ER. :)  
  
Spoilers: None...just what my own imagination thinks up! :)  
  
  


More Confessions  
  
  


It was a quiet morning in the ER. The door to the doctor's lounge opened and in walked Susan Lewis, looking exhausted. She had spent another night at the home of her terminally ill best friend, Mark Greene. Taking care of Mark and keeping his secret was beginning to keep its toll on Susan.   
  
Susan barely acknowledged Luka Kovac as she entered the lounge. He was the only person who knew what had happened to her in Arizona: her pregnancy, the breakup with her fiancee, the miscarriage. Susan knew that Luka wouldn't betray her trust.  
  
"How are you?" Luka asked, observing Susan's sleepy face.  
  
"Exhausted. I barely slept two hours," Susan muttered. Luka poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Susan.  
  
"This should wake you up," he said, smiling. Susan returned Luka's smile and sipped the coffee.  
  
"Thanks. This hits the spot," she replied. "Thanks again, for the other day. It meant a lot that you were there for me."  
  
"You're welcome," Luka answered. "How is Mark? Have you spoken to him lately?" Susan sat on the sofa and sipped more coffee.  
  
"He's not coming in today," she said softly. Luka saw the look of sadness on Susan's face and sat down next to her.  
  
"Susan, you know that you can talk to me. I won't tell anyone." Susan looked at Luka and smiled again.   
  
"I know," she replied. "Thank you. I might take you up on it." She felt tears begin to sting her eyes and quickly wiped them away. "I need to talk to someone."  
  
"Did you drive to work today?" Luka questioned. Susan shook her head.  
  
"No, I took the El. Why?" Luka put his arm around Susan.  
  
"I'll drive you home, and stay as long as you need me to, okay?" Susan nodded and smiled for the third time that morning.   
  
"Thank you," she said, and hugged Luka quickly. She rose from the sofa. "We'd better get going before Weaver sends out a search party."   
  
"She's not that bad," Luka said. Susan turned around and gave Luka a quizzical look. They both laughed as they exited the doctors' lounge.  
  


~*~*~*~  


  
Susan and Luka entered Susan's apartment. Susan tossed her keys onto a nearby table and took off her coat.  
  
"Would you like something to eat?" she asked Luka.  
  
"No, I'm okay, thanks," Luka said. Susan motioned for him to sit down. Luka removed his coat and placed it on a nearby chair. He then sat next to Susan on the sofa. Susan pushed her hair behind her ears and looked at Luka.  
  
"This secret...I didn't want to keep it from anyone. I told Mark that I didn't think it was right that he kept this from Elizabeth or Rachel." Luka puts his hand on Susan's shoulder.  
  
"Take your time," he said soothingly. Susan wrung her hands together.  
  
"Do you remember when Mark first had the brain tumor a couple of years ago?" Luka nodded. "It's back, and this time it's terminal." Susan's voice shook as she added, "He's dying, Luka."  
  
Luka felt tears begin to form in his eyes. "Dying?" he managed to blurt out. "When? How much time does he have left?"  
  
"About three months," Susan replied. "The night I spent at his house -- the one that Carter was so annoyed about -- well Mark had just undergone Gamma Ray treatment. He needed someone to take care of him." Susan put her head back on the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. "He couldn't even close his eye," she said, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I had to tape it shut." Susan rose from the sofa as Luka was about to put his arms around her. "Damnit!! Why do these things always happen to Mark? First Jenn cheats on him, and they get a divorce. He was attacked at work. The brain tumor. Ella taking the Ecstasy. Problems with Rachel. And this is how it ends, with him suffering? Why the hell is this happening to him?" Luka rose from the sofa and wrapped his arms around Susan. She sobbed as Luka rubbed her back.  
  
"Go ahead," Luka said softly. Susan wrapped her arms tightly around Luka and finally let out all of the sobs that she had been holding in. Watching her best friend slowly die had finally taken its toll and she let out all of the anger, frustration, stress and sadness that she had been keeping in for the past couple of weeks. She looked up at Luka with a tearstained face.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said. "All I do is cry on your shoulder lately." Luka pushed Susan's hair out of her face.  
  
"Susan, I want to be here for you. You needed a friend. I'm your friend, aren't I?" Susan smiled.  
  
"Yes, you are. And I can't thank you enough for being here," she answered.  
  
"Come here," Luka said, and led Susan to the sofa. They sat back down and Luka wrapped a blanket that was lying on the sofa around Susan's arms. "Take a deep breath and try to relax, okay?" Susan nodded. She leaned her head on Luka's shoulder and closed her eyes.  
  


~*~*~*~  


  
The next morning, Susan woke up. She saw Luka lying next to her on the sofa and was surprised to find her arms wrapped around him. She thought of waking him up, but first studied his features. He was very handsome, there was no question about that. Susan brushed a stray piece of hair out of Luka's eyes.  
  
"Thank you," she said softly. Luka opened his eyes. Susan blushed and added, "Good morning."  
  
"Good morning," Luka replied. "How did you sleep?"  
  
"Like a log," Susan said. "I didn't realize we'd both fallen asleep."  
  
"You were exhausted," Luka answered. "I didn't want to leave you alone." Susan laughed.  
  
"So what did you do, just sit here and watch me sleep?" Luka nodded and smiled.  
  
"You looked so peaceful. I haven't seen you look like that in a while," he replied. He gently added, "You're very beautiful."  
  
Susan and Luka stared into each other's eyes for a long moment. Luka pushed Susan's hair away from her face. At that moment, his watch alarm beeped. Luka glanced at his watch.  
  
"Do you have to go?" Susan asked. Luka nodded.  
  
"I have to get ready for work," he said. "What time are you on?"  
  
"Not until two," Susan replied. She rose from the sofa and watched as Luka pulled on his coat. "Thank you, again." They walked to the front door of Susan's apartment.  
  
"You're welcome," Luka said as he opened the door. "I hope Mark changes his mind and tells Elizabeth and Rachel." Susan sighed.  
  
"I'm trying to talk him into that," she said.   
  
"Don't give up, okay?" Luka smiled. Susan nodded.  
  
"I promise. Thank you, Luka," she replied.  
  
"I'll see you later," Luka said. He leaned in and kissed Susan on her forehead. She smiled at him.  
  
"Bye," she said. Luka smiled.  
  
"Bye, Susan," he answered, then turned and walked down the hallway. Susan watched him and waved as Luka entered the elevator. She closed the door, feeling confused now about her feelings for Luka. Susan looked in the nearby mirror and for the first time in weeks, the face looking back at her smiled.  
  
  


****The End****  



	3. A Summer to Remember

Note: I don't own ER or any of the characters!  
  
  


A Summer to Remember  
  
  


The warm Chicago air breezed into Luka Kovac's apartment as he entered with a box of pizza and his close friend, Susan Lewis. Susan carried with her a bottle of wine.  
  
"Do you want me to put this in the fridge?" she asked. Luka shook his head.  
  
"No, we can have it with the pizza," he responded. He placed the pizza on the counter, took two plates out of a nearby cabinet, and handed one to Susan. "I'm starving."  
  
"Me too," she said. "I am positive that Kerry Weaver's first words were 'double shift.'" Luka laughed and removed two wine glasses from another cabinet.  
  
"Susan, she's not that bad," Luka replied. Susan pushed her chair next to Luka's and poured two glasses of wine. Luka took two slices of pizza out of the box and put one on each plate. Susan picked up her slice and took a bite.  
  
"Oh, but this pizza is so good!" she exclaimed. Luka bit into his slice and nodded his head.  
  
"I'd have to agree with you on that one, Dr. Lewis." Susan laughed and sipped some wine. Luka studied her as she gracefully brought the glass up to her lips and sipped the strawberry wine. "How is it?"  
  
"Delicious," Susan answered. "You should taste it." Luka leaned in and brushed a stray lock of blonde hair away from Susan's face and gently kissed her lips. Susan, stunned at first, then responded, and their lips locked for a moment. She put her hand on Luka's face and then ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair.  
  
"Wow," Luka replied as they parted from the kiss. Susan looked at Luka.  
  
"Kiss me," she said breathlessly, and Luka leaned in as they kissed passionately once more. Susan broke from the kiss.  
  
"What is it?" Luka asked. Susan pushed her hair back.  
  
"I want us to take things slowly," she said. "I've been hurt in the past and I don't want to go through that again." Luka wrapped his arms around Susan.  
  
"There's no rush," he replied softly. "I want to be with you." Luka kissed Susan's forehead and stroked her hair. Susan rested her head on Luka's shoulder.  
  
"Thank you," she said gently.  
  


~*~*~*~*~  
  


A few weeks later. County General Hospital.  
  
Susan sat in the lounge, finishing her charts, when Luka entered. Susan looked up at him.  
  
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. Luka went to his locker and retrieved his things.  
  
"It's no rush," he replied, and leaned in and kissed Susan. At that moment, Kerry Weaver walked in.   
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," she stammered. Susan turned a bright shade of red.  
  
"It's okay, Kerry," Susan said. Kerry quickly poured herself a cup of coffee and left the lounge. Susan looked at Luka and laughed. "I guess our relationship isn't going to be a secret much longer."  
  
"I hate to tell you this, but it hasn't been a secret at all," Luka replied. A look of surprise washed over Susan's face.  
  
"It's not?" she asked. "Nobody has said anything to me."  
  
"Maybe they want to respect our privacy," Luka said, and sat down next to Susan. She nodded in response and kissed Luka.   
  
"I'll be done in a few minutes," she said. Luka kissed Susan one more time.  
  
"I'll meet you at the nurses' station," he said, and exited the lounge.  
  


~*~*~*~*~  
  


That night, Susan and Luka sat underneath a large oak tree in the nearby park. It was the perfect scene: a romantic picnic dinner for two, complete with wine, great food, and an amazing sunset. After finishing their dinner, Susan lay in Luka's strong arms.  
  
"I can't believe it's almost August already," she said. "This year has gone by too fast." Luka stroked her hair and knew what Susan meant by the year going by too fast.  
  
"It's hard to believe it's almost been three months since Mark passed away," he said softly. Susan took Luka's hand in hers and stroked his fingers.  
  
"I miss him. I still expect to see him walking into the lounge, or at Doc Magoo's," Susan admitted. She sighed and added, "Does that sound weird?" Luka kissed her head.  
  
"Not at all," he said. "You were friends with Mark for a long time. It's normal to miss him and to imagine that you'll see him." Susan turned to Luka and smiled.  
  
"Thank you for being so wonderful through all of this. You've been there for me so many times, I've lost count," she added, and kissed Luka. He grinned in return and hugged Susan closer to him.  
  
"I would do anything for you, Susan," he said honestly. "You're very special to me." Susan blushed. Luka was a true romantic. She had heard all of the 'lines' before that men say to women, but with Luka, what he said was what he meant. Susan knew that Luka truly cared for her.  
  
"I believe you when you say that," Susan replied. Luka knew how badly she had been hurt in the past and only wanted to make Susan completely happy.  
  
"I wouldn't ever lie to you," he replied. "I won't ever hurt you." Susan opened her mouth to respond, but Luka put his finger on her lips. "Let me finish, please, or I'm afraid I won't be able to find the right words again." Susan closed her mouth and Luka continued. "I don't know if I've ever felt for anyone what I feel for you. Susan, I think about you all day and all night. I want to be with you all of the time. When we're together, I feel complete, I feel whole. When you're not there, it's as though a part of me is missing." Susan smiled and Luka added, "You've made me a better person." He grinned. "I love you." Susan felt tears of joy spring to her eyes and she laughed as Luka gently wiped them away.  
  
"I love you, Luka Kovac," she responded. "Nobody has ever said such beautiful things to me before."  
  
"I meant every word of it," Luka said as he kissed Susan once again. "I love you. I want to be with you. I want to feel as happy as I do right now."  
  
"We're going to have such a wonderful life together," Susan said. Luka kissed her again, and then they sat back, watched the sunset, and fell more in love.  
  


~~~~The End~~~~  


  



End file.
